Computer joke : 3rd release

You Know It's Time To Turn Your Computer Off When...

1. A friend calls and says, "How are you? Your phones have been busy for a year!"
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
4. You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said YOU'VE GOT MAIL.
5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
6. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs.
7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.
8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
14. You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep.
15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
16. You look at an annoying person off-line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for a while.
18. "Where did the time go?"
19. You sit on AOL for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
21. .....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
22. You've gone to an unstaffed AOL room to give tech support.
23. You think faster than the computer.
24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and **kisses**.
25. Being called a "newbie" is a major insult to you.
26. You're on the phone and say BRB.
27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. leave your S/N and I^ll TTYL ASAP".
29. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-Life.

Useful Error Messages

Top 10 signs Technology Has Taken Over Your Life

10. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house --only computers with laser printers.

9. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

8. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

7. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.

6. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.

5. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading JohnGrisham novels.

4. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.

3. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead.

2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.

1. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.

The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

20> Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19> Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18> Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17> Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16> Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've > Got Mail."
15> Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14> Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13> Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12> Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11> Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10> Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9> Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8> 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7> Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6> SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5> SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4> Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.
3> Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2> Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...
1> TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *
( * 1> Too Damn Hard To Type With Paws. )